id be glad to
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
