I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
