Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
