this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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