Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
