you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
