Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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