She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
