sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
love makes seman taste better
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
