he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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