Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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