I'm gonna have a badass scar
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
