We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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