i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
