OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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