I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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