why didn't you poke me back
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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