Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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