Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
