Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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