You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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