beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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