i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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