he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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