I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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