Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
last night I used snow as a chaser
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
