Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
