She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
