Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
