Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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