I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
