on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
