this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
