I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
