When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
