He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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