Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
