Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
