just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
