hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
