How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't turn off my feet"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
