She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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