we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
