im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I understand Curling. That high.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
