Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
