You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
