I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
