The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just googled if crying burns calories
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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