there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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