Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
