so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
