she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
