Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I need a beard to bite.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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