Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
