She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
