hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We are two peas in an std pod
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
