I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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