You can't special order awesome
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
