I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
