what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
