When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
