so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
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Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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