I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
