You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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