I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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