I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
