I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
