I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
