Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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