Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
